Ever since I gained a certain level of visibility and credibility in the marketplace, I’ve been bombarded with private messages and e-mails from people who want me to promote their books, products, teleseminars, live events, telesummits…

I’m particular about who and what I promote. I only share people and products I have personal experience with. I only share things that have helped me and improved my business. If I connect with someone or read a book that just didn’t help me, I’ll be darned if I’m going to promote that to my subscribers and followers, just to get a fat commission. I’ve never believed in promotion for profit. It’s just not my style.

But what bothers me most is that I regularly receive requests for help from people who have befriended me on Facebook, never said “hello,” and then sent me a message a couple of weeks later asking me to promote their new book and help them get to “bestseller status” on Amazon.

Why would I do that??

Why would I ever promote someone I don’t know? Why would I promote content I haven’t reviewed? How could I possibly recommend someone I don’t know and maintain my own integrity and authenticity?

I imagine there are people who will promote anything, thinking that associating themselves with someone they perceive as more successful makes them look more successful. It doesn’t.

So here’s the scoop: if you want people to promote your products, here’s the way to do it:

1. Create really solid content. Don’t hold back. Give everything you’ve got and make sure you have a good editor (for print or audio).
2. Form strong relationships with other entrepreneurs and small business owners who have the same target market. Look for complimentary businesses to form alliances with.
3. Talk to people. Get to know them. Comment on blogs, Facebook pages, articles, and show your support.
4. Bring value to the table for other people before you ask them to do something for you. Believe it or not, things like what I mentioned in #3 are ways of bringing value and forming a relationship with someone. I remember the people who post comments on my Facebook status updates and blog posts.
5. If you want someone to promote your product or book for the first time and they haven’t seen your content before, send them a copy of your work before asking them to promote it. You might end up with a great blurb for your book cover or web site and you might also gain a fan.

Ultimately, the most important point I can make here is that if you’re using social media as a business networking tool, make sure you use it the right way. Remember to focus on the “social” part of social media. It’s all about the connection and the conversation.

I’m almost always thinking about business, so it’s no surprise that when I’m working out at the gym, business is on my mind. Recently, I had a revelation at the gym. I often work out with headphones. I listen to power music and that helps me stay focused and I can endure more than if I don’t have them on. But with those headphones on, I never, ever meet people.

My gym is a social place. And although each gym probably has its own dynamic and subculture, I suspect most gyms are just as friendly. But so many of us are wearing our headphones, it’s hard to find out how friendly things actually are.

Since I had my revelation, I’m committed to spending at least a half hour of my time at the gym without my headphones on, just getting to know the people around me. I’ve met some really great people. And a few of them have become clients.

Now, here’s the thing I’ve figured out about networking and why it isn’t working. People are spending a lot of time “qualifying” their leads and not nearly enough time getting to know people. These aren’t leads, they’re people. Your clients are people. And even if the guy you’re talking to doesn’t need your services right now, not only might he know someone who does, but if you expand your network of friends and acquaintances instead of “qualifying leads,” you’ll be first on that same guy’s mind when he does need your help.

So I’m not going around my gym, actually talking to people about my business, but I am getting to know people as I work out. It’s simple things- helping someone with their weights, asking someone to spot you, striking up a conversation on the track so you don’t have to walk or run alone. And as you get to know people, you learn what they do and they learn what you do, and that’s how it eventually leads to business.

It takes a little patience. Talk to people. Get to know them. Let them get to know you. If you make it about getting to know people and expanding your personal network, you’ll succeed far more and far faster than if you make it “networking” and all about your business and what you can “get.”